And Now We Have Everything by Meaghan O'Connell

Author:Meaghan O'Connell
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Little, Brown and Company
Published: 2018-10-04T04:00:00+00:00

Before, before. How had I coped with difficulty before? I would go for a walk with earphones in, disappear into the city, and come back in a few hours when I felt better. Or I would meet up with my friends and talk about whatever was upsetting me until we had it figured out. A walk was physically impossible now, but my friends were coming over in an hour. I knew this “receiving visitors” was a thing that was supposed to happen during our fun-house sick leave—people come, they bring food, you sit back with your feet up and bask in everyone’s baby adoration, not worrying for once that the house is a mess. But the thought of ritual, of social nicety, of looking them in the eyes and trying to hold a conversation at a time like this felt ridiculous, impossible.

“These are your friends,” Dustin reminded me. Come over whenever! I’d finally written, despite my misgivings. We’re just…here.

Our little apartment had always been a gathering place for my friends. Dustin and I hosted a standing Sunday dinner party for whoever could make it. Our friends carved pumpkins in our kitchen, dyed Easter eggs, made goofy Christmas ornaments and Valentines, and caught up with one another’s lives around our tiny yellow table. Now that Dustin and I were home from the hospital, I was waiting for some of that warmth to rush back in. I’d imagined that I would throw open our door with some new maternal confidence—the matriarch welcoming everyone in with French-press coffee and banana bread that I had somehow baked during early labor—and tell them the riveting story of my son’s birth.

Now it was clear this had all been magical thinking, but I figured I should at least take a shower.

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